Conception

It was an honor to represent the Santa Barbara Wellness Team, Santa Barbara Response Network and Santa Barbara County Psychological Association in offering support to the hundreds of people who gathered last night to mourn the victims of the Conception dive boat tragedy together. What a beautiful and healing gathering. I thought the words that were shared by all who spoke were powerful and meaningful and the music and the sounding of the shofar went right to the soul. While I may have only offered flowers, water, and tissues, I believe that our presence there was supportive and valuable. Gratitude was shared with me for just being there.

For me, being of service in times like these is what helps me process and integrate tragedy. Bearing witness to pain and being able to tolerate and embrace it, is one thing I know that I do well. Maybe it is a unique skill reserved for those of us in the mental health and health fields. Last night, as the sun was easing down behind the palms and casting a golden hue over the large crowd of people bearing flowers for the 34 victims and Amazing Grace was bathing us all, seeing the way people were holding onto one another, offering hugs, holding hands, reaching out for one another physically and emotionally, I was struck with the demonstration of the connectedness of love and grief. What a deeply touching experience to see grief and mourning as one of the most profound and raw expressions of love. The love that was offered and received in the crowd of mourners last night was truly breathtaking. My greatest hope is that the families of the deceased, who live far from here, have communities that hold them like ours did last night. I also hope that those brave and stoic first and second responders have the support they need too. Our responders have been so taxed these past few years.

Thank you for the opportunity to provide support and for inevitably ending up being supported in the process.

After the Debris Flow

Dear Santa Barbara Families,

I wanted to reach out to you all this morning because I know how I felt waking up today and thought some of you might be feeling something similar. I woke up exhausted from days of not sleeping well and then the sadness came and then I felt agitated and now I don’t know what I feel. That all happened in the span of about 10 minutes. I thought it might be helpful to remind you all that we are all going to process this horrific tragedy in our own unique ways.

When we go through traumas like this our bodies go into to a response: fight, flight, freeze or faint. These are survival mechanisms that have kept us alive for centuries. When we are in this mode, our bodies move the blood from our brains and some of our organs to our limbs and muscles so that we might be able to respond to danger. Fight mode gives us a sense of action, purpose, and force. It focuses us and seems to give us power and control in a powerless situation. It is important to know that when in this fight or flight mode our cognitive functioning has changed and we literally cannot hold all of the pieces of the situation. This is an adaptive process and is here for a reason, it keeps us alive. We need to actively focus on how we must downshift from it when we don’t need it. To get our minds and bodies recalibrated. One way we can do this is with flushing our systems. You can flush three ways: cry it out, sweat it out or pee it out. That’s why you are told to exercise, drink water, allow yourself to grieve.

We have these two things: love and fear. Both have gotten us through existence. Fear keeps us alive. Love gives us hope, courage, purpose and meaning. Both of these things have a space here and in the coming weeks. As we gather together as a community to grieve and heal and celebrate the lives of our deceased community members be gentile with yourselves and with those you love.